I am SO lucky. I love my kids. Like, really love my kids. I've been trying really hard lately to find balance in my life. Having three little kids takes a lot of time and energy. I spend all day wiping bums (Quinn's too-- but only because I'm slightly a control freak about some things. she's capable of wiping herself, and does sometimes if she has to. But I usually do it). It seems like that between wiping cute little bums, fixing meals, cleaning up meals, getting snacks, drinks, breaking up disagreements, applying sunscreen, tying shoes, finding blankies, putting kids down for naps and cleaning up the chaotic mess that all these things create, there is no time left!! I've read a few articles lately about keeping marriages strong, and they ALL say to put husband first-- kids next. how do you do that?? someone teach me. not only do I want to have better balance between caring for my kids and husband, but I feel like I lack the balance with the other things in life that make me feel fulfilled. And let me tell you-- i MAKE time to sew/etc., but I usually have a kid on my lap or Quinn is 'helping' me or someone is crying. And I've also read lately that as mom's we should multi-task LESS. when we are playing with our kids, we should ONLY be playing with our kids, not on the phone too or checking our email or putting on our make-up. I'm fairly certain that if I multi-tasked less, my house would be even more of a disaster than it already is and my kids would never have books read to them, and I would never blog (since I usually blog while I'm nursing the baby). so how to do all of you perfect mom's out there do it?? you know who you are. teach me.
And honestly, I feel like I've come a long way in managing my stress. My life has been WAY less stressful since I've had Veda. I haven't been working hardly at all, and let me tell you-- my stress level is a lot lower. My day doesn't revolve completely around the clock. Even though that stress has gone down, I still have stress in other areas. I stress about my house being a mess. I stress about my kids getting along like they should. I stress about their behavior during playdates. oh man... I could go on and on about this. Dave has been telling me for a LONG time that Quinn isn't socialized enough. It's true in a way. I don't have a lot of play dates for her. Maybe because I always stress about being home for nap time. and I stress about my kids getting sick. And we've definitely had enough of stress about our kids and their health issues. I don't know if anyone remembers Quinn health issues, that was not fun. And of course more recently Hendrix's. but even if I wasn't worried about my kids getting sick, we probably don't have enough play dates. I've actually had quite a few more lately, so we'll see if I keep them up or not. But having more play dates makes me realize a couple of things. one-- that my kids can be naughty and crazy, and two-- that other kids are very naughty and crazy too. So how do I find the balance between letting my kids play with friends, and teaching them to good to others, and for them (and me) to deal with other people's kids? and the fact that I'm actually a home body and am just fine keeping us in our little bubble :)
and honestly-- despite my recent realization that I need more balance in my life- I'm happy. I am blessed. I just want my house to be clean, my kids to be happy and cared for, my husband to be happy and cared for, and time left over for ME. is that too much to ask? I love being a mom, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Hopefully someday I'll figure it all out.
10 comments:
Amber amber amber! I know this feeling a little too well. I am always s nervous to do pos like yours. But this was nicely said! I too recently have struggled with me as a mom, wife, and me time. I have yet to find a good balance or good routine, so best of luck to both of us..... And I dont know why you're worring so much! From the outside everything looks perfect and your kids are soooo NICE! Hope your weekend leads you to some anwsers!!!
When you figure it out- let me know!! :D
Oh, man. I feel ya. It's impossible to feel like you ever have everything exactly where you want it to be. If the kids are great at home, they freak when they're around other kids. If the house is clean, it's only because you haven't made time for doing anything for yourself. And I only have one kid. The advice I've heard from other moms who've had multiple littles at once is that to some degree you have to embrace the chaos. You have to choose which thing/things aren't as important and make sure you've got enough time to deal with the things that are most important. Easier said than done. Mostly I just wanted to say no moms are perfect and the ones who seem that way are LYING! Ok, not lying, but you only see one side of things. You are amazing-- when your kids look back on their childhood, that's what they'll remember. How happy and loved they were <-- most important thing.
I think you are doing everything perfectly. Every feeling you have is normal for someone with three little kids. You are beautiful, blessed and the perfect wife and mother. Hang in there and take things one day at a time. Everything changes so quickly in our lives. You are just in that tiny little kids mode. You are doing a great job. Be happy. Have faith and no fear.
Amber,
Here are a few things that I try to do to stay balanced. When I wake up in the morning (before the kids), I get a load of laundry going- first thing. Then I sit down with my breakfast and have my computer time. (update my blog, check out others, look at my coupon sites and my craft sites too!) When the cycle ends on the washer- I stop and take a break, no more computer. I switch the clothes over and if there is time, put myself together. By then, the kids are waking up and it's time to focus on them- but what I love about it is I've already started on a house chore, I've already eaten and I've already had "me time". I try to cycle through the day just rotating 30 minutes to a hour on each chore: house stuff= 30 minutes, kids= 30 minutes, me time= 30 minutes etc... I feel a little more balanced because at least every area is getting something. Some days you'll have to throw it out the window and it won't work- but try it.
As for cleaning- just focus on 1 room at a time- don't think about the entire house, try to give each room at least a 5 to 10 minute clean/pick up when you can, and then before bed- make sureeverything is away and ready for the next!
The other thing I remind myself, A LOT is, most of this that I'm going through, is just life. Having kids is really hard and it's going to be wild for a really long time and I just have to adjust to the crazyness.(for example: It is never going to be fun to take 4 kids grocery shopping. Someone is alwyas going to be talking through the sacrament prayer, pony tails & barretts will almost always be pulled out of their hair and they will naturally look like orphans, someone will usually be picking their nose in public, all 4 will have to use the bathroom at least 1-2 times per outing, packing the diaper bag will always take 10 years no matter how old they are,it will alwyas take forever to get out the door, shoes will alwya be taken off and lost in the van, and the messes, laundry and noise will never go away!) So I just remind myself- it's supposed to be like this. This is my beautiful, crazy , wonderful life and it's what I've always wanted.
I also tell myself, that one day when they are all grown and live too far away- my house will look perfect, everything will be in it's place and not everything I own will be stuck back together with super glue!
Just pray for a healthy balance and you'll find it. You are doing amazing! Focus on what you do accomplish in a day- just put yourself on the list too.
Love you, Em
Gracious woman, just the fact that you are worried about it makes me KNOW that you are already better than you think you are!
This is the time in life when our kids are little and its just hard! no matter what you try to do, its always a little harder for moms of babies and toddlers. I'm certain of it. Although with each age comes its own struggles its never gonna end, which is the beauty of it!
One bit of advice I can give is go out on dates with your man. I truly believe date night is key. Doesnt have to be an all evening event. Even if its for an hour just for YOU AND HIM. Get a little YW girl to come over and sit with the kiddos while you take a walk and actually get to hold hands with each other.
thats it. I'm sure there is more to it than that somedays but this is simple and IMPORTANT to be away from the little ones. even if its hard for you, which I know it is! do it. do it for your man. and I promise you will enjoy it too! lol
I am just beginning to know the feeling. Everyone tells you that it's hard but you never realize how hard it is until you're in the middle of it. Good luck! I'm sure you're doing great!
Am, noone is perfect!!
You just do the best you can each day. You do have to put husband first though, because when the kids are gone, guess who's left?? It is really important to have date nights, your kiddos go to bed at 6:30 so you are set :-) Having 3 kids is just plain hard!! but it is so important to do things without kids. Just remember no mom out there is perfect, thats just impossible!
I meant to comment on this a while ago but I was trying to think of something more clever or hopeful to say. All I can come up with is that you are not alone! I think balance is one of the greatest challenges in life. And I think that you are an amazing mother with a fierce love for your beautiful children :) And maybe having three scares me more than I thought...
Not that you need one more comment on this post. But you got me thinking for the past week. I taught a lesson Sunday on Family Responsibilities. Putting your husband first came up. And I asked how do you do that? Because lets be honest we are "in the baby way". Some of the women gave great insight to me and I thought I'd share. They said putting your husband first can be as easy as if he really likes a clean bedroom, bed made etc. That is the first thing to clean, if you don't get to the rest at least what he likes clean the most is done. Tyson really likes having a cooked meal when he gets home. So I try to put him first by getting dinner made instead of laundry put away. Does this even make sense? One other piece of advise that helps me, Amy Paul can't remember if you were in the ward at the same time. Her mother always says "when you have little ones you are in the trenches". Which to me means it's not always pretty, you are gonna get dirty but if you work hard enough it will all be worth it in the end. One other quote I just heard and love "in the end it will all be okay, if it's not okay it's not the end". Hang in there. I finally feel like life is getting easier. It's just around the corner for you too.
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